And Now for Something Completely Different

Jury Duty.

First response: ugh. Second response: I feel guilty for my first response.

It is my civic duty after all, and if I were to find myself facing a jury of my peers, then I'd want someone like me on the jury. I try to be fair, I try to be honest. I try to be unbiased. That's the best I can say. I am not a perfect person and I am guilty of human emotion.

I can't complain really. I've only been called upon once or twice before, and both times I appeared but was dismissed because the jury was picked before they got to me.

Both times I actually wanted to be picked. I wanted to serve on the jury for the experience of seeing how our justice system works. I wanted to ensure that a defendant had a fair trial because I would make sure it was fair. I was so ideal then.

Now I don't want to be picked. Now I don't even want to have to appear at all and I'm hoping that when I call the number the night before I will learn that I have already been dismissed.
And it bothers me that I have a bad attitude about it.

I did a google search where all I typed in was "jury duty" and the very first thing to pop up in the search was, "How to get out of Jury Duty" a wikihow article. So that suggests  to me that getting out of jury duty is what most people want to know about it.

So here's a chilling thought: If everyone expects a fair trial, but no one wants to serve on a jury how does anyone get a fair trial?

What is the root of this problem? You can't fix a problem if you don't understand the problem. So where does the problem lie? Why is jury duty so undesirable?

In an effort to figure it out, I put the question out there to my facebook and twitter friends for two consecutive days:
"Why don't we want to do jury duty?"

Total apathy. I only got two responses on twitter. One friend said that she actually liked jury duty and looks forward to doing it. The other responder replied that the state of NJ only pays $5.00 for serving. That would barely cover the cost of coffee bought en route to the courthouse. Clearly, if you are self-employed it makes jury duty very undesirable indeed.

Based on the State's webpage regarding jury duty; while the employer is obligated to allow the juror to attend without consequence of being fired, it is not obligated to pay the employee. Double Wow. And those employers that do pay, may expect the employee to turn over the money earned for jury duty. All $5.00 of it.
OK, so mystery solved. It is abundantly clear why most of us try to wiggle out of jury duty.

Now here's a scratch your head question:
If the summons isn't delivered via certified mail, why don't jurors just shred it and put it in the trash? No one can prove it was properly delivered. In fact, even after I moved and voted from my new location, my summons was still mailed to my old residence in a different municipality. It is highly possible that I would not have received it. How can a bench warrant be issued for a person who may not have received a summons in the first place? That's presuming an innocent person who can never prove their innocence, is guilty. That's messed up even for New Jersey!

I found a youtube video put out by the State, describing the importance and honor of sitting on a NJ jury:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFBfYX3wcTI
It's well done by a judge and a high power attorney who undoubtedly make $6 figures a year and make it all sound so dignified.

It should be an honor but I think the fundamental problem is that jurors aren't treated with respect. And it isn't only about the $5.00 day salary or the pressure put on us by employers to get out of it or postpone the date. (I should mention it goes up to $35.00 day after serving four days.)

What the video doesn't mention is that sometimes the county courthouse is in the sleaziest section of the sleaziest towns, and that parking can be blocks away if provided at all. There should be a shuttle system in place to pick jurors up and take them home. (Except that we all know if the State provided such a service it would be so lame nobody would ever arrive to court in time.)

The video addresses the responsibility of being a juror and an impartial participant, but it doesn't mention jury nullification, which allows a jury to find the defendant guilty, but of an unjust law. It's one of the most powerful rights a jury has. Think Rosa Parks for example. We aren't told of this aspect of jury duty, because it poses such a headache for the system that if the judge or attorneys know you know about it prior to being chosen as a juror, you will most likely be excused. It's so hush hush they won't ask if you know about it. You have to ask them to explain it to you as a function of the jury and then it is almost guaranteed you will be let go without the explanation. A jury can only utilize nullification if one of the jurors knows about it and kept mum while being selected in order to preserve his/her right to use it if it is felt necessary. In the words of Voltaire, "It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong."

A fair and impartial juror can be dismissed for prejudices of the court. Is the defendant grossly overweight and a juror a health nut? Without explanation a skinny juror can be dismissed because the attorneys might assume he or she'd be prejudiced against a fat person. Many assumptions and stereotypes are made based upon a juror's profile. Ironic, huh?

I think it all comes down to this: we owe each other this courtesy, despite the hardship, unpleasantness and indignity, because it's the right thing to do.

I'm not saying this out of an idealized liberalness. I'm as bitter as the next guy. I've worked alongside corrupt individuals. I've done my job by the book while others didn't because I believed that hard work and loyalty is recognized and appreciated. But it isn't. I was the employee who was laid off due to political reasons and administrators who were gutless and corrupt enough to do the easiest thing instead of the right thing and don't even get me started on the union who forces you to pay whether you belong or not but won't lift a finger to help if you aren't tenured. But that's a different article. Trust me, I'm as disgusted and bitter as the next guy and just as suspicious of the corruptibility and fallibility of even the judge that sits before the jury.

And I guess now my logic has come full circle but from a different place. Selfishness.

It's the right thing to do not because of some idealized notion, but because of the realization of how corrupt the world really is and what a difference a sincere juror could make. It's not just for the sake of the innocent men and women who sit in jails or are executed because they had jurors whose motivation was to get out of there asap. (Think Twelve Angry Men without Henry Fonda's character.)

It's just as much for my sake as for the protection of a possibly innocent defendant: to make reasonably sure that the real perps stay off the streets.

Best Wedding Advice I Ever Received

Here's something I wrote a while back for Associated Content. In light of the fact that I am now officiating weddings, it seems very fitting to include this article in my blog:


The Best Wedding Advice I Ever Received


Second only to the birth of our children, our wedding day is considered by most of us to be the most important day of our lives. And yet, how often do brides and grooms too for that matter, confess that their wedding

 

  day was a blur that they barely remember? Or worse yet, that their wedding day was a day to forget and filled with one blundering disaster after another?

We've all heard enough wedding horror stories to suspect that it may be the norm. But how on earth can you rise above the wedding madness to ensure that your wedding day is a day that you can actually enjoy and remember with a happy heart?

Here's the secret that brought me to my senses. It was good advice 25 years ago and it's sound advice today. Do yourself a favor and repeat it daily to yourself for days, even weeks before your wedding day. Heck, memorize it if you can.

Remember that at the end of the day, it isn't about how fabulous your hair was or how shapely you looked in your gown. It isn't about how lovely the flowers were, (or if they even arrived at all). It isn't how the adorable little flower girl stole a little bit of your glory (as kids at weddings often do) or that your mother-in-law wore black. What it is about is how you are now bonded, hopefully for life, with your most favorite human being on the planet. That is the focus, and all that other stuff is fluff. It seems so obvious a truth, and yet it's an almost completely overlooked aspect of the day.

If you focus on all those other aspects, then you will not enjoy your wedding day, guaranteed, because something will inevitably go wrong. More importantly, if those other aspects are your focus, it may be a red flag that you are getting married for all the wrong reasons. And if that's the case, it isn't just your wedding day that's in trouble.


It's fine, even advisable, to have an organized plan in place to ensure that your guests have a good time. But as things go wrong in the course of the day, and they probably will, just remember what the focus of the

 

  truly day is. It will help keep the trivial aspects in their proper perspective so that you are free to experience the real beauty and magic of the day.

Good luck!

On Being an Officiant

I wrote this article for Weddzilla wedding blog a while back, and want to share it here. It's not a profession for everyone, and I'd say that it requires better than average writing and speaking skills. But it's sure for me and I'm loving it! Here's the article:

On Being a Wedding Officiant

Once I officiated my first wedding, I was hooked! After the ceremony, I was so elated it almost felt like I was the one who had gotten married!

It’s with this enthusiasm that I’ve embraced my new calling as a wedding minister, and it is a calling, much like being an artist is a calling, because each wedding or civil union ceremony is like a mini masterpiece, artistry inspired within the soul, unique to its couple. 

I would not recommend performing your first ceremony unless you have a very high degree of confidence in your ability. There’s little room for error in gaining their trust of you. Your couple should not be able to recognize that it’s your first wedding. In every aspect, you need to be the expert and able to answer questions and offer them information they don’t even know to ask.

I never would have been able to perform my first wedding without a network of mentors in place, who graciously shared practical information; like the importance of filling and filing the paperwork properly; what to wear; and other technical and practical aspects. Be the student who soaks up information like a sponge. Ask the questions your mentors don’t think to mention.

Your own research is critical. Know your competition better than they know themselves. Spend hours if not days devoted to this alone. Read everything you can find on weddings. Know every wedding trend and figure out how to put your own twist on it. Learning about your new profession is your full-time profession until you are ready to go live, and in my opinion, it’s not something you can do justice to unless it’s something you can do full time. I can’t imagine doing the quality of work I do if it were a part-time pastime.

Don’t neglect how you will put yourself out there. You need a web-page that needs traffic. Figure out where to spend your advertising money. Become an expert in social networking. Eventually, if you build up a solid reputation, word of mouth will be your greatest marketing tool.

Be clear on what it is you want to offer. Do you want to minister in prisons? Do you want to jump out of airplanes and scuba dive while officiating your ceremonies? There’s a niche for everyone and you need to find yours.

At any given time you are juggling multiple couples, all different and most expecting a tailor-made ceremony. Each one of them will undoubtedly make changes. Keep your documents updated and identify each by couple so you don’t accidentally mix them up. Impeccable organization is a must! Listen to your couples and ask questions. Even if they want a quick no fuss no muss ceremony, there is always a way to make it theirs alone. It’s their special day, not yours, and it isn’t a success unless they are happy.

If you bear that goal in mind, you will also be a success!